I became a step parent at the tender age of 19. I knew it would be a challenge and, to be honest, I did my best but nothing could have prepared me for how my stepson would eventually feel about me once he became an adult.
The "step" factor is the isolation and distance felt when a relationship never develops between people who are related by remarriage and not by blood.
Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel when the child I nurtured, protected, and watched over for many years choose to resent me once he grew up. I never could have known that all those times when I thought I was being a good parent would eventually be what he disliked most about me.
You would think it wouldn't hurt becaue he's not mine, but when you raise a child and love a child from when they are four years old, you can't help but feel just like their mom.
I've been proud of him and disappointed as well. I've wanted the best for him and spent years watching him grow. I was there when he was sick and put him to bed at night. I made sure he was fed, clean and did his homework but nothing could've prepared me for the agony of giving love that would never be returned.
I already know that I am the outsider and always will be in his heart. My tears won't change that my sorrow won't change a thing.
Children have a way of breaking your heart that can only be described as heartwrenching. I gave all that I could give and now I have to learn to let it go.
I will write until the pain dissipates. I will remember all the joy I had being a mother to ALL of my children.
The "step" factor is the isolation and distance felt when a relationship never develops between people who are related by remarriage and not by blood.
Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel when the child I nurtured, protected, and watched over for many years choose to resent me once he grew up. I never could have known that all those times when I thought I was being a good parent would eventually be what he disliked most about me.
You would think it wouldn't hurt becaue he's not mine, but when you raise a child and love a child from when they are four years old, you can't help but feel just like their mom.
I've been proud of him and disappointed as well. I've wanted the best for him and spent years watching him grow. I was there when he was sick and put him to bed at night. I made sure he was fed, clean and did his homework but nothing could've prepared me for the agony of giving love that would never be returned.
I already know that I am the outsider and always will be in his heart. My tears won't change that my sorrow won't change a thing.
Children have a way of breaking your heart that can only be described as heartwrenching. I gave all that I could give and now I have to learn to let it go.
I will write until the pain dissipates. I will remember all the joy I had being a mother to ALL of my children.
No comments:
Post a Comment